An Obscurial and a Baker Walk into a Bar
by JenKristo
Summary: Kowalski tells Credence about the birds and the bees, and Credence tells Kowalski about Newt. Credence is tipsy when he comes home to Newt.


Credence didn't rightly know how he'd gotten here, sitting in a bar with Jacob Kowalski. They had a table with a good view of the rowdy men sitting on bar stools and the girls dancing at the far end. It was loud, but no one was paying attention to them. The man beside Credence slid a drink his way.

"Mr. Kowalski, I shouldn't."

"It's Jacob, please. You've known me for almost a year."

"Jacob," Credence corrected, not for the first time. "Why are we here, in a den of iniquity?"

"It's hardly that," Kowalski laughed. "You'd have to use your charms to get a girl to go home with you here. Anyway, I brought you here so we could have a chat, without Scamander breathing down your neck like the mother hen he is."

A tug pulled at the corner of Credence's mouth. He took the glass and sniffed it, not impressed. "Alcohol makes men into monsters."

"Is that you talking, or your ma?"

Credence glanced his way before downing the shot. He coughed hard and Kowalski slapped his back. "Sorry kid, I should have warned you that was a sipping whiskey."

"Right," Credence croaked, setting down the empty glass. "Well I've done it, I've had a drink. Now what?"

"Now we talk. How old are you now? Nineteen?" Credence nodded. "And how does it feel to be nineteen?" Credence shrugged. Kowalski stared at him, brows pulled together. He sipped his drink and set it down. "Alright, I'll be frank with you. I'm here to talk to you about the birds and the bees."

Credence flushed. "W-What? I assure you that's unnecessary."

"Really?" Jacob said skeptically. "What did she tell you? That if you catch a glimpse under a girl's skirt that you'll go straight to hell?"

The younger man huffed. "Of course not." Although… sort of.

"Look, Queenie and I have been talking about it, how you've been living with Newt all this time, and him training you in magic. Believe me, I think there ain't no better guy to teach you about the hocus pocus. But I can't picture him sitting you down and getting to the nitty gritty."

"I'm not planning on getting into any _nitty gritty._ " His face was even redder than before, imagining Newt having this conversation with him.

"Yeah, but you should at least know what you're not getting into. You want to get married some day and not know heads from tails on your wedding night?"

"I don't want to get married."

Kowalski sighed. "Throw me a bone, kid."

Credence gave him a long look. He thought he could bargain with him, agree to listen if it meant getting out of here faster. But then again, he did like Mr. Kowalski's company. And looking around, he did feel like a man, sitting here in a bar with a friend. A friend… yes, he had friends now. Not many, but one didn't need many. He had Mr. Kowalski and Queenie and Tina. And he had Newt, of course. He looked at Mr. Kowalski, who was watching him with an easy, patient expression. He did feel safe here with his friend.

"Alright," he said, allowing a small smile. "But I'll probably need another one of those drinks."

Jacob beamed, nearly knocking the table over as he stood and went to the bar. He returned with a pair of drinks, setting one in front of Credence. Jacob insisted they toast, and Credence took a small sip. He thought he might be able to get used to it.

And so discussion on the birds and the bees commenced. Kowalski started with a series of questions, getting a feel for what Credence already knew. What he knew was pretty basic. The mechanics. After an hour they were both effectively buzzed, and Credence knew a whole lot more than he cared to about the fairer sex.

"You ever see a girl and when you get home, you can't get her out of your head?"

"Maybe," Credence said, because not really, but he wanted to know where Mr. Kowalski was going with this.

"And… do you ever act on those thoughts? You know, give yourself a little relief?"

Credence knew what he was getting at. "That's a serious sin."

"Really. Are you hurting anyone?"

Credence thought about it, but he didn't have much of an argument. "I guess not. But no, I haven't."

Kowalski looked impressed. "Wow. You really haven't? Do you even feel any urge to?"

"Well of course," Credence blurted, "Ever since…" He stopped short, jaw clenching.

"Ever since what? Hey, you can talk to me."

Credence looked down at his empty glass. One of the empty glasses. "Ever since I moved in with Newt." He looked up at Kowalski, who looked surprised. "Does that make me a freak?"

For a moment, Credence reminded Kowalski of the way he used to be in the beginning, back when he used to take off his belt and hand it to Newt when he'd done something wrong. He'd come a long way since then, but you couldn't shake off what his mother had done overnight. Or in just a year. Heaven knew if he'd end up carrying those scars forever.

"Hey. No way do I think you're a freak for that," Kowalski said gently. "If anything, you're a freak for not getting your rocks off."

Credence blinked, and then snorted, allowing himself a small smile.

"I mean come on, kid, how do you survive?"

Credence laughed. They both did. And then Credence sobered. "It really doesn't bother you?"

"It really doesn't. Although I don't think I can help you much with that sort of thing. I don't even know where the right bars are. You know, the underground ones."

"Thank you, but I'm fine." He really didn't need or want to go skulking around in a bar looking for men. For many reasons.

"So… Scamander, huh?"

Credence nodded gravely.

"That's complicated."

Credence nodded again. "Yes it is."

"Do you think he likes you back?"

Credence looked shocked, almost stricken. "Of course not. He's with Tina. ...Isn't he?"

xxxx

Newt was awake in the bottom of the bunk bed he shared with Credence. He chewed at one of his fingernails and glanced at the clock on the wall. It was after two in the morning. He hoped that Credence was well, that Kowalski hadn't let him end up with alcohol poisoning. He hoped they hadn't gotten into trouble and been arrested. He hoped Credence hadn't had a relapse and blown apart whatever dive bar Kowalski had decided to take him to. Why take him to a bar anyway? What was Jacob up to?

He sat up straight, nearly knocking his head on the upper bunk when he looked up toward the ladder. Credence was saying farewell to Jacob, and making his way down. He slipped on the last step, but recovered.

"Credence, welcome home."

Credence was grinning when he turned, his face flushed. "Oh, you're still awake? '-So late."

"I wanted to make sure you made it home alright. I take it you had a good time?"

"Yes, I actually did."

Newt was pleased to hear it. Relieved, even, that Credence could have a good night out, and do some socializing. Newt wasn't so inclined to be sociable, outside of the occasional visit with Jacob or the girls.

"What did you do?"

Credence came over to the bunk bed, leaning on the ladder to the top. "We drank at the nomag bar. And talked."

"Why don't you sit?" Newt said, helping Credence as he sat heavily on Newt's bottom bunk. Newt sat down beside him, if only to keep him from falling forward if necessary. "What did you talk about?"

Credence held back a smile. "Just… life. And you."

"Me?" Credence nodded, running his fingers through his black hair. Newt swallowed and laced his fingers together in his lap. "What about me?"

"Just, how much I don't know about you."

Newt frowned. He hadn't kept anything from Credence, except perhaps… well, nothing besides that. "What do you mean?"

Sighing, Credence said, "All this time, I've thought you were courting Tina."

Newt's mouth fell open. He and Tina had been over before they'd begun. "Uh… no. We decided to be friends. But that was months ago. You didn't know?"

Credence smiled in a way that made Newt flutter on the inside. "You don't really talk about yourself."

"I guess that's fair."

Credence closed his eyes and then opened them. His eyes bore into Newt, who could not look away.

"Can I sleep with you?"

Newt's heart jumped into his throat. "S-Sorry?"

"Can I sleep with you tonight? The way we used to?"

"Oh." He sighed, feeling very foolish. "Of course you can."

They rearranged themselves, Newt helping Credence to take off his shoes and jacket. They crawled into the bottom bunk together, warm under the blankets. Credence curled up to Newt, warm whisky breath on his neck. They had done this before, many times in the past, when Credence had woken from nightmares or suffered from panic attacks.

Yes, they had done this before, but it was not like before. Credence was relaxed, an arm draped over Newt's waist, pulling them flush together. Newt blushed furiously as Credence's lips brushed his forehead as he whispered, "Goodnight." And with that, Credence drifted off to sleep. Newt was another story.


End file.
